The Flyover: 11 Marriage Conference Thoughts

I’m a pastor who loves to preach series. Why? There are so many sections of scripture, subjects, thoughts, and topics that are waaaaay too much for one sermon. And I think, us pastors, can be at fault for giving so much info packed in one message that it makes it impossible for people to digest and use in their every day lives.

So often, I’ll begin the series with a “flyover” message. Essentially, it’s a view of the main passage or thought behind the series from about 30,000 feet. In other words, you’re going to see a few things from the surface that, the closer you get, will be far deeper to tackle.

Anne and I are taking off today to do another marriage conference. And as I was on my run today, I thought to myself, “If I could boil down a marriage conference into a flyover, what would that look like?”

So here’s my post-run flyover of what I hope every couple can gather from a marriage enrichment weekend:

  1. Your marriage is more normal than you realize.
    • You’re not the only one to deal with what you are facing. You are not alone in your struggles and challenges. There are more like you that God has worked in and through.
  2. Healthy sexuality is more important than you realize and it’s nothing of what society likes to emphasize. 
    • God created sex as a gift to be enjoyed, explored, and indulged in your marriage.
  3. Communication is just like firewood.
    • I learned that in survival situations, whenever you think you have enough firewood, double it. Because what you demand for survival will be more than you think you need.
  4. There’s no such thing as too much grace and forgiveness.
    • I’m not speaking of trust nor am I asking for someone to be in an abusive situation. BUT we ought to be giving out grace and forgiveness the way God give it. He operates like Five Guys and their fries; what you ask for, He gives beyond expectation. And THAT make you keep coming back.
  5. Fun may be the most underestimated aspect of marriage.
    • We invest so much into it BEFORE marriage and we forget how necessary it is after. If it’s how you “fell in love” then why don’t we continue it to feed the passion?
  6. Marriage is brutal on selfish people. 
    • The best marriage is two servants in love. Servants live to please someone else and that someone should be Christ and your spouse.
  7. Jesus is not the “third wheel” but the “third strand.” 
  8. Trust is not the same as forgiveness.
    • Forgiveness is immediate; trust is built. In fact, trust is like breaking a piece of fine china; with patience, hard work, and care, it can’t be put back together.
  9. Believe the motives OF your spouses heart, more than the assumptions you built up ABOUT your spouse. 
    • If you know his/her heart, then let the be the filter you work though. Your mind will conjure up scenarios that will add unnecessary anger, anxiety, and apprehension to you.
  10. Not everybody needs to know your business.
    • Have healthy boundaries with parents, friends, and social media. Keep Christ as your closest and first confident and your spouse as your next.
  11. It’s not weakness to ask for help; It’s weakness to NOT ask. 
    • Pride is the only thing keeping you from seeking good, healthy, and Godly counsel. Work together and work with someone.

I hope this can encourage and help someone today.

Love you all. Pray for us this weekend as we travel to the east side of Michigan and come back to Kalamazoo for Sunday.

Encourage effort.
Celebrate progress.
Feed hope.


Thanks for letting me ramble…


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