Marriage Blog: Don’t think like your spouse.

Thinking blog

I’ll start of with my main point:

The goal in marriage is not the think alike.  The goal is to think together. 


There’s only one way to say it: Anne and I are different.

We were raised different.
We have different hobbies.
We have different view points on a number of things.
We speak different love languages.
We look different (she’s hot…I’m not).
I’m engulfed in sports.  She’s be fine if they’d never existed.
She craves sleep. I’m fine running off of minimal sleep with power-naps.
I am patient but hold grudges.  She has a short fuse but forgives quickly.

We are different.

So many couples get caught up on compatibility…which I think is a farce.  People feel their marriage sucks because their spouse is so, well, different from who they are.  You battle so hard with the mindset that the two of you need to think alike.  And if you don’t, something major is wrong with your marriage. I’ve had one too many appointments with people who have used the phase, “We are just too different.”  Your difference is what makes you unique.  It makes you special.  Yes, you are different. But…

…in my opinion: that is the making of a great marriage.

I’ll say it again:

The goal in marriage is not the think alike.  The goal is to think together. 

It’s time for you to stop working so hard to think alike and take the same effort and put it to thinking together.  You don’t NEED to think like your spouse. Your spouse doesn’t need you to think like them. You’ve got to get your mind out off of how different you are approaching it, and into how your differences enhance your abilities to work together.  (Immediately, my mind goes to the absolutely terrible cartoon “Captain Planet” with the war cry of “With out powers combined…”)

When scripture says in Genesis 2 that the “two become one”, we take it as we have to become something we are not.  We need to approach marriage as not losing ourselves but finding fullness first in Christ and then becoming a unit (differences and all) with our spouse.  Don’t lose who you are.  Keep being you.  Because with Christ, plus your differences, combined with your spouses differences help create “cord of three strands not easily broken” (Ecc. 4:12)

Stop worrying about thinking like him or her.  Stop stressing about how different you are.  Embrace the differences and work hard on working together.

Thanks for letting me ramble…



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