Marriage Blog: The Little Things


If you watch enough TV, movies or even YouTube, you get a feeling that you are set up for romantic disaster.  There are so many things to watch that make us feel romantically inadequate.

If you watch an episode of some dating show like “The Bachelor”, you’ll see people romancing each other with, what seems to be, no budgetary and/or resource (restaurants, settings, transportation, etc) restrictions.  You’ll watch movies (probably romantic comedies) where the romantic actions are done with immense proportions that almost makes you feel like you don’t love your spouse because you’ve never did something on that scale.

We can get so wrapped up in a cultural philosophy called: Bigger is better.

But I submit to you this: I like planning big things.  I like making memorable moments.  But (to use a cliché) it’s the little things that count.

We look at all of those shows/movies thinking…
…ONE BIG event is going to propel us into marital health.
…ONE BIG moment will save our marriage.
…ONE BIG date/weekend will heal us.

It’s like saying, “one trip to the doctor will make it all better.” Seeing your family physician is good for you. It’s definitely needed. But what creates health is the every day action steps that follow the visit (fluids, eating properly, medicine, etc). The “ONE BIG” date or moment isn’t bad for your marriage. But like the doctor visit,  it’s the little EVERY DAY things/actions/moments that follow the moment that really matter.

Proverbs 14:15 The simple believes everything, but the prudent gives thought to his steps.

Can I get you to be prudent with your steps and think smaller? Can we get past “ONE BIG thinking” and into the wisdom of “little thing thinking”? Thinking like…

– The first few minutes your with your spouse in the morning will set the pace for the entire day.
– How you leave each other for the day can decide how anxious he/she will be to see you again.
– How you greet each other when you reunite for the evening speaks volumes.
– “Please” and “thank you” help your spouse not to feel taken for granted.
– Reaching your arm around your spouse in bed to pray for him/her speak volumes as well as depths of spiritual commitment.

But why stop there? Start getting practical and creative with “little things”…

– Send/give small thoughts or gestures (notes/texts/messages). If your spouse travels, leave messages in his/her luggage.
– Authentic affection (NOT laced with sexual expectations) will foster deeper intimacy.
– Spontaneous gestures of serving/selfless activity (clean/cook/fix).
– Care for what he/she cares about.
– If you are a parent, give your spouse some relief from the kids.  As the old saying goes, “silence is golden.”
– Use little touches to his/her love languages (acts of service, gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, physical touch).

It doesn’t take much.  Most of this stuff you won’t see on “The Bachelor”. But what the shows and movies won’t tell you, it’s the little things that keeps a marriage healthy and fun.

Be prudent and give careful thoughts to your steps to doing some “little things” every day with/for your spouse.

What ideas do you have?  What little things do you do?

Thanks for letting me ramble…

4 responses to “Marriage Blog: The Little Things”

  1. PDave – Another great post. Thanks for the very practical tips to keep things moving forward on the home front!

  2. My husband and I treat each other the way we would like to be treated. In putting him first he also puts me first. It is with genuine love that I serve my husband. It is not always an even distribution but we both know while one may give more this week the next week or month may be the opposite. It is only a problem if one starts to tally it up. Instead we genuinely feel everything we do for the other is essential to our own happiness….and so it is.

  3. […] word: consistently).  They should be the natural outflow of a healthy marital relationship.  The little things matter and need to be actively seen in marriage. But the connotation that “Brownie […]

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