New Marriage Series: 7 Habits of Highly Defective Marriages


Some years back, I had come across the famous book “7 Habits of Highly Effective People.”  It, to this day, is one of the most sold self-help books ever on the market. Since then there have been so many “spin-off” books that have spawned from the original.  My personal favorite was the book “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens: The Miniature Edition.”  Maybe it was because my life, at the time, was centered around reaching teenagers.  I think it was more so about the size of the book.  Reading hasn’t always been my strong-point and I loved that it was short and to the point.

Today starts a new series of seven MINI-blogs designed to recognize unhealthy habits.  If you’re like me, I can get into read marriage blogs and think, “Communication, I communicate all the time” and I don’t realize that my communication, even thought it is being done, isn’t being effective.

Here we go…7 Habits of Highly Defective Marriages.

Habit #1: Spiritual Continuity

con·ti·nu·i·ty ˌkäntnˈ(y)o͞oətē/
The unbroken and consistent existence or operation of something over a period of time.
Synonyms: continuousness, uninterruptedness, flow, progression
Matthew 7:24-27 24 “Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. 25 And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. 26 And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. 27 And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it.”
There could be no other #1 on this list.
This is that place where couples get things backwards.  You don’t get everything else in order and then, and only then, do you bring Christ into the picture.  You don’t build the house and THEN install the foundation.  The foundation is first.
Highly defective marriages refuse to put Christ first.
“Well, my wife is the spiritual one.  She’s the one to bring God into the home.” Struggling marriages have one of many things in common: one spouse is working at something that BOTH should be working together on.  Are you the only one trying to bring Jesus into your marriage? If you are in a marriage like that, you are probably frustrated and fatigued. I don’t have any easy answers for you other than “DON’T GIVE UP”!!!!  I want to speak Galatians 6:9 into your life.
So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up.
There’s no better time than now to tend to the foundation of your marriage. Here in Michigan, we’ve had an obscene amount of snow storms. Case in point…My mailbox:
The trouble is when the storm hits, people come to grips with how well they’ve built the home.  Storms are not the time to build, they’re time to rest in the comfort of what’s established.
Build now.  Set Christ as your foundation now.  Help your marriage to keep from becoming defective.
Next week, #2…
Thanks for letting me ramble…

10 responses to “New Marriage Series: 7 Habits of Highly Defective Marriages”

  1. PDave – Great first Habit! Thanks…if we can stick to that one it should give us all a little momentum to build the other habits. Can’t wait for #2

    1. Totally agree. There couldn’t be any other #1.

  2. Good post Dave. I completely agree, right foundation comes first.

    1. There’s no other option for #1

  3. Dear Pastor David, I want to express to you how very much we enjoy your marriage blog. After 53 years, there is always something that touches our heart as we read what you write . Maybe we already understood some of the things you said, but to agree with what is truth, causes us to close down with that “Satisfied” feeling! Keep up the good work. Although we never crossed paths in Midland….we each have lots of connections there. blessings on you and Ann.

    1. Thank you so much. That means the world to us.

  4. Thank you for the Galatians 6:9 reminder and encouragement. It’s much needed.

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