Sex Position: Developing a heathy marital stance on intimacy.


Don’t worry.  It’s okay to read this. Why?  Sex is a gift from God and it cannot be ignored. We’re going to focus this months marriage blogs on the subject of sex.  If you want a good start to a bible study on it,  check out: 1 Corinthians 7, Ephesians 5, Genesis 1, Song of Solomon.

Be quiet, my friend. You can't tell my secrets.

Some couples feel dirty talking about it. Spouses have been shut down for bringing it up.  People  have been scolded by their mate for trying to deal with it.  Pursuing creativity in it has labeled spouses as perverts.  Frustration and frigidness has fill our beds…

Yet, it seems, silence is the answer.

“If I ignore it, he/she will get over it. It’s just not as important to me as it is to her/him.”

People feel silence is the cold shower that will dampen the conversation in hopes that the moment will pass. Spouses refuse to respond to the libido of the other considering their drive foolishness and unimportant.  But it’s more than a moment turned away.

Someone has been rejected.  Someone is left unfulfilled.

Even deeper: Someone has been left with an emptiness that the enemy would love to use as a place to seed bitterness, hurt, and temptation. John 10:10 tells us the Devil would love to do nothing more than to steal, kill, and destroy you…especially in your marriage bed.  He would love to devour you with dissatisfaction and resentment.

The problem: Couples don’t have a sex position. I’m not talking about a positioning of your bodies during intimacy.  I’m talking about you and your spouse having a healthy stance/position that fosters unity, communication, and frequency.

TRUTH: People are not too busy and shy to deal with sexual issues…they don’t care enough about their spouse to make it a priority. I don’t say that to berate you.  I say that to challenge you to shatter the silence.

In today’s blog, I want to give you some dangers to sexual silence

1 – It’s a breach of your vows. The covenant where you gave of yourself to your spouse before God and man is being fractured by the silence.  Silence doesn’t speak of shyness.  It says my feelings matter more than yours.
2 – You’re dismissing your mate. You’re telling your spouse to deal with it on their own. Better yet, you’re empowering them to get help from someone else. TRUTH: Marriage issues are never a “me” issue.  Marriage issues are a “we” issue.
3 – You’ve given the Devil ammo.  You send your spouse away unfulfilled. More than that, you’ve set a target on your marriage.  Don’t give the enemy a single inch
4 -You’re rejecting God’s design.    Silence and refusal to foster a healthy stance/position is to reject God’s design for you and your spouse to be sexually fulfilled. That oneness happens between the two of you.  To purposefully bring separation is to purposefully transgress what God has set up for you two.

Is your spouse sexually fulfilled?  Is he/she getting the most out of your intimacy? Is the subject ever brought up?

If your answer is “I don’t know” or “that’s not important” or even “no”, then I assume you don’t have a “Sex Position (stance)”?

1 – Talk about it.  Be open and honest.  You spouse is the person that you can be physically naked with as well as emotionally, mentally, and spiritually naked with. Remember God’s design: Genesis 2:25, they were naked and unashamed.
2 – If there’s been past hurt and/or rejection.  Seek forgiveness.  Give forgiveness.
3 – Pray together.  Pray about it.  God’s not embarrassed.  He made it for you.
4 – Come to agreement on it.  Be in unity.  Where there’s unity, God commands his blessing…yes even in the marriage bed. (Ps. 133)
5 – Practice it. Have fun.

Thanks for letting me ramble…

2 responses to “Sex Position: Developing a heathy marital stance on intimacy.”

  1. I have been married for 5 years and 22. I have 0 sex drive at all, I do not agree with the truth on this post. I love my husband more than anything and the fact that we never have sex isn’t cause he isn’t a priority. I attend this church every week and this is the only time I have very much been hurt by your words.

    1. I want to thank you for the feedback on this. I want to share a couple thoughts:

      1. I’m sorry you feel hurt by the post. That is never my drive. This post isn’t an outpouring that just stems from my opinion. It comes from 16 years of studying marriage as well as counseling marriages.
      2. I can’t say I’ve liked everything that I have read. Why? Because I do come across stuff that challenges my comfort zone. Ask yourself if it’s “hurt” or “conviction.”
      3. The context of the “TRUTH”, as well as the blog itself, is the detriment of silence to sexual issues. It’s not speaking about sexual desire. The “TRUTH” holds water with ANY issue (finances, leisure activities, conflict resolution, etc). Any spouse that is too busy or shy to deal with ANY issue (not just sex) doesn’t care enough to deal with it. You have to love your spouse enough to open up the communication to deal with tough issues (again, not just sex).
      4. (This is from my wife Anne) Does your husband have a similar sex drive (zero desire)? How do you know? Have you asked him lately if he wants more sex? I never have to ask because I know Dave wants more. (LOL)

      As a woman I understand where there is “non-interest” or a not a huge sex drive. But if your husband is needing intimacy, you need to fulfill that need.

      This is where the blog helps. This might be a deep issues that is not said because there’s no communication on the subject. If he has more of a drive, he missing out and he either is not communicating or doesn’t feel like he can. Is he settling for your drive because he doesn’t want to “rock the boat.” If he IS missing out on what he needs, it will, eventually, come back to weaken and hurt your marriage.

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