Don’t worry. It’s okay to read this. Why? Sex is a gift from God and it cannot be ignored. We’re going to focus this months marriage blogs on the subject of sex. If you want a good start to a bible study on it, check out: 1 Corinthians 7, Ephesians 5, Genesis 1, Song of Solomon.
Some couples feel dirty talking about it. Spouses have been shut down for bringing it up. People have been scolded by their mate for trying to deal with it. Pursuing creativity in it has labeled spouses as perverts. Frustration and frigidness has fill our beds…
Yet, it seems, silence is the answer.
“If I ignore it, he/she will get over it. It’s just not as important to me as it is to her/him.”
People feel silence is the cold shower that will dampen the conversation in hopes that the moment will pass. Spouses refuse to respond to the libido of the other considering their drive foolishness and unimportant. But it’s more than a moment turned away.
Someone has been rejected. Someone is left unfulfilled.
Even deeper: Someone has been left with an emptiness that the enemy would love to use as a place to seed bitterness, hurt, and temptation. John 10:10 tells us the Devil would love to do nothing more than to steal, kill, and destroy you…especially in your marriage bed. He would love to devour you with dissatisfaction and resentment.
The problem: Couples don’t have a sex position. I’m not talking about a positioning of your bodies during intimacy. I’m talking about you and your spouse having a healthy stance/position that fosters unity, communication, and frequency.
TRUTH: People are not too busy and shy to deal with sexual issues…they don’t care enough about their spouse to make it a priority. I don’t say that to berate you. I say that to challenge you to shatter the silence.
In today’s blog, I want to give you some dangers to sexual silence…
1 – It’s a breach of your vows. The covenant where you gave of yourself to your spouse before God and man is being fractured by the silence. Silence doesn’t speak of shyness. It says my feelings matter more than yours.
2 – You’re dismissing your mate. You’re telling your spouse to deal with it on their own. Better yet, you’re empowering them to get help from someone else. TRUTH: Marriage issues are never a “me” issue. Marriage issues are a “we” issue.
3 – You’ve given the Devil ammo. You send your spouse away unfulfilled. More than that, you’ve set a target on your marriage. Don’t give the enemy a single inch.
4 -You’re rejecting God’s design. Silence and refusal to foster a healthy stance/position is to reject God’s design for you and your spouse to be sexually fulfilled. That oneness happens between the two of you. To purposefully bring separation is to purposefully transgress what God has set up for you two.
Is your spouse sexually fulfilled? Is he/she getting the most out of your intimacy? Is the subject ever brought up?
If your answer is “I don’t know” or “that’s not important” or even “no”, then I assume you don’t have a “Sex Position (stance)”?
1 – Talk about it. Be open and honest. You spouse is the person that you can be physically naked with as well as emotionally, mentally, and spiritually naked with. Remember God’s design: Genesis 2:25, they were naked and unashamed.
2 – If there’s been past hurt and/or rejection. Seek forgiveness. Give forgiveness.
3 – Pray together. Pray about it. God’s not embarrassed. He made it for you.
4 – Come to agreement on it. Be in unity. Where there’s unity, God commands his blessing…yes even in the marriage bed. (Ps. 133)
5 – Practice it. Have fun.
Thanks for letting me ramble…