“What do you really do?” 10 things you shouldn’t say to a stay-at-home mom.

I’ve made the mistake. So have other husbands. Even friends, parents, in-laws, and random relatives have dropped these verbal bombs. For me, it’s as if as the words are leaving my tongue and I began to reach out to try to retrieve them.  For others, the phrases roll off the tongue with little regard for what they might do. And like most thoughtless comments, the damage is done before anyone can have the chance realize what has been said or to apologize for what’s been done.

After dealing with the issue of “rest” here at Kfirst, it is more than apparent that so many people are dealing with not being able to embrace the healthy habit of resting.  Perhaps, the most “unrested” group being our stay-at-home moms.  For years, ridiculous comments get thrown out to so many moms that put more pressure upon them as well as make them feel like less of a human being because they do not do what YOU think they should do.  

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Years ago, we (Anne and I) felt this was the direction we wanted to go for our family and made the sacrifices we needed to make it happen.  We don’t regret it nor do we guilt moms who have decided to work outside of the home either by choice or circumstance.  A mom, working in the home and/or working outside of the home are heroes to our families.  I honor and bless them.  But if a mom decides to be a homemaker…

…then there are 10 statements I’m going to ask you NOT to say to them. 

1. “Did you do ANYTHING today?” Never mind things were cleaned up AND destroyed three times over.  But thanks for noticing. 

2. “What do you do with all of your free time?” Free time? 

3. “Since you have so much time on your hands, you can do ___________.” There’s always the assumption that a stay-at-home mom has endless time, ability, and strength and she can add everything you want her to do for the school, church, neighborhood, and friends. 

4. “That’s all you did today?” It doesn’t matter if it’s from a friend or from her husband, It is a very close cousin to #1 but a bit more demeaning.  

5. “This place is a mad house…when is dinner?” By the time you say that, she may be picturing you in the oven instead of the roast. 

6. “What’s the big deal?  Take a nap when the kids do.” Of course if she does, #1 or #4 will be used. 

7. “Fine, I’ll babysit the kids for a while.” (***clears throat) You don’t “babysit the kids”…YOU’RE THEIR DAD!!!!

8. “I don’t see what the big deal is…the kids act fine for me.”  From the grandparents to “friendly” neighbors, any scrap of feeling like a competent parent has just been squashed.

9. “Being home all day would drive me nuts. I must have something to do outside of the home.”  It seems like well-meaning friend is saying, “you obviously don’t have the drive I have so I’m letting you know how motivated I am.”

10. “Oh you had time to run/workout/read/relax?  Must be nice.” In other words: breaks, meals, and just plain rest applies to everyone but the stay-at-home mom. 

To every dad (and I’d include grandparents): I admonish you to help foster a culture of rest for our moms.  There needs to be moments of quality time with you but they require quality moments of solitude.  Rise to the occasion without being asked. Be their hero and show your children what a Godly dad does for his kids and his wife. 

To every mom, whether you work in or outside the home, I speak a scripture into your life. 

For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, “Fear not, I am the one who helps you.” – Isaiah 41:13

Every time you feel tired and weary, remember you are not abandoned by God.  He will hold you up.  He will strengthen you. Lean upon him and he will be your help.  

After months of trying to form this blog, I leave you the very first line I wrote when this blog was conceived:

I thank the Lord for our moms. 

Thanks for letting me ramble…

2 Minute Devo Series: Book of Matthew Day 11

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Welcome to our 2 Minute Devos.  This month we’re going through the Book of Matthew.  Take the time to read through the passage of the day and listen to the 2 Minute Devo.

Matthew 10

English Standard Version (ESV)

The Twelve Apostles

10 And he called to him his twelve disciples and gave them authority over unclean spirits, to cast them out, and to heal every disease and every affliction. The names of the twelve apostles are these: first, Simon, who is called Peter, and Andrew his brother; James the son of Zebedee, and John his brother; Philip and Bartholomew; Thomas and Matthew the tax collector; James the son of Alphaeus, and Thaddaeus;[a] Simon the Zealot,[b] and Judas Iscariot, who betrayed him.

Jesus Sends Out the Twelve Apostles

These twelve Jesus sent out, instructing them, “Go nowhere among the Gentiles and enter no town of the Samaritans, but go rather to the lost sheep of the house of Israel. And proclaim as you go, saying, ‘The kingdom of heaven is at hand.’ Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse lepers,[c] cast out demons. You received without paying; give without pay. Acquire no gold or silver or copper for your belts, 10 no bag for your journey, or two tunics[d] or sandals or a staff, for the laborer deserves his food. 11 And whatever town or village you enter, find out who is worthy in it and stay there until you depart. 12 As you enter the house, greet it. 13 And if the house is worthy, let your peace come upon it, but if it is not worthy, let your peace return to you.14 And if anyone will not receive you or listen to your words, shake off the dust from your feet when you leave that house or town. 15 Truly, I say to you, it will be more bearable on the day of judgment for the land of Sodom and Gomorrah than for that town.

Persecution Will Come

16 “Behold, I am sending you out as sheep in the midst of wolves, so be wise as serpents andinnocent as doves. 17 Beware of men, for they will deliver you over to courts and flog you in their synagogues, 18 and you will be dragged before governors and kings for my sake, to bear witness before them and the Gentiles. 19 When they deliver you over, do not be anxious how you are to speak or what you are to say, for what you are to say will be given to you in that hour. 20 For it is not you who speak, but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you. 21 Brother will deliver brother over to death, and the father his child, and children will rise against parents and have them put to death, 22 and you will be hated by all for my name’s sake. But the one who endures to the end will be saved. 23 When they persecute you in one town, flee to the next, for truly, I say to you, you will not have gone through all the towns of Israel before the Son of Man comes.

24 “A disciple is not above his teacher, nor a servant[e] above his master. 25 It is enough for the disciple to be like his teacher, and the servant like his master. If they have called the master of the house Beelzebul, how much more will they malign[f] those of his household.

Have No Fear

26 “So have no fear of them, for nothing is covered that will not be revealed, or hidden that will not be known. 27 What I tell you in the dark, say in the light, and what you hear whispered, proclaim on the housetops. 28 And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell.[g] 29 Are not two sparrows sold for a penny?[h] And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. 30 But even the hairs of your head are all numbered. 31 Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows. 32 So everyone who acknowledges me before men, I also will acknowledge before my Father who is in heaven, 33 but whoever denies me before men, I also will deny before my Father who is in heaven.

Not Peace, but a Sword

34 “Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. 35 For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. 36 And a person’s enemies will be those of his own household. 37 Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. 38 And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. 39 Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.

Rewards

40 “Whoever receives you receives me, and whoever receives me receives him who sent me.41 The one who receives a prophet because he is a prophet will receive a prophet’s reward, and the one who receives a righteous person because he is a righteous person will receive a righteous person’s reward. 42 And whoever gives one of these little ones even a cup of cold water because he is a disciple, truly, I say to you, he will by no means lose his reward.”