pdave.me

From the get-go, I’ll say this: A well-defined picture of marriage is a life-long dedication to making personal and marital adjustments.

I remember the day my parents got a new TV and gave me the old one from the living room.  As a kid, I hit the jackpot. Now you need to get out of you mind anything HD or plasma/flatscreen. This is old-school. Nothing digital. It was a tv that had, what we called STATIC. Static was simply the disturbance in the picture and sound of what we were trying to enjoy.

And because of static, our TVs needed constant “tuning.”  From adjusting the “rabbit ears” to the dial around the channel knob (I’ve got a contingent of younger readers right now who have not idea what I’m talking about).  In fact, around 8:00, a channel would shut down and turn to a pay-per-view for the Red Wings.  What I did, with much finagling and attaching of wire hangers, I would get some semblance of a black and white picture mixed with the radio broadcast to enjoy 80’s Red Wing hockey.

Static was a part of TV when I was growing up. This is what we had to endure back in the 80’s and beyond (I’m only 40). Enjoying television in my room was a constant small adjustments to get the best picture.  Sometimes the modifications depended upon the channel.  Sometimes they depended upon the time of day.  Nevertheless, it was worth it when you got to see the image you were looking for.

Honestly, it’s such a beautiful metaphor for how marriage works.  

God made man in His image.  And I believe that the image of God is so complex that His likeness couldn’t be contained to one person. The beauty of God is scene in marriage; man and woman coming together and showing a tremendous high def picture of the likeness of God.  But it’s a picture that takes a lifetime of adjustments to work on THAT image to display. 

And because we are human, we live a life of making constant adjustments in our personal lives knowing that we need to grow.  Maturity is always needed. We tend to have grace for ourselves because we know we are definitely not a finished product. 

So why can’t we see our marriage in the same way? We have grace for ourselves but expect perfection for our spouse.  Maybe you don’t expect perfection, but perhaps our expectations are so high for our spouses that we’ve already set them up for failure.  Perhaps if we see our spouses with the same amount of grace we give ourselves, we can see the life of our marriage as a journey of constant “tuning.”  I’m talking about small adjustments that will give the best picture of what marriage can look like. Sometimes the modifications depended upon the goal you are striving for.  Sometimes the “tuning” will depend upon the season of life.  Nevertheless, it will be worth it when you got to see the image you are looking for.

Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me—everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you. Philippians 4:8-9

What are some simple adjustments to help deal with marital static? 

1 – Confront your mind with truth.  Our minds can get consumed with crap that may or may not be true. Our minds can get consumed with current situations and, on top of that, muddied with assumptions. Philippians 4, Paul tells the local church how to properly fix your mind. When you are pondering on issues that are real and those that are assumption, fix your mind upon that which is true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, and admirable. Confront mindsets (assumptions, unrealistic expectations, bitterness, hurt) with the truth of God’s Word. Fix your mind to it. 

Wrapping your mind around what God says about your life helps bring definition to your situation. God’s word confronts your thoughts with truth. It will take the scrambled picture of your marriage and bring order and color back into it.  

Get a view of how God looks at you.
Get a grasp of how God responds to you.
Get a grip on how God holds you. 
Get a vision of his ridiculous love for you.

I believe the more biblically literate your marriage is, the more growth you’ll experience. Why? Because the more revelation of His image, the more you’ll want to reflect (tune in) your life AND your marriage. This leads me to #2…

2 – Put truth into practice. Don’t leave God’s word on the pages of your bible; live them out personally and maritally.  Once you tune into how God SEES and RESPONDS to you, it empowers you to respond to your spouse. I mean, how can I receive the undeserved favor of God and not show the same amount of grace for my spouse? 

What I love about Paul’s words, “put this into practice” is that he doesn’t give us an ending point.  In other words, we don’t stop “practicing.” We don’t stop tuning, adjusting, working, forgiving, loving, etc.  It’s the beauty of marriage. Work and longevity create the most beautiful high-def masterpiece. A well-defined picture of marriage is a life-long dedication to making personal and marital adjustments. 

Don’t get satisfied with the picture you have now because it will change. You will grow older. Seasons of life change. Atmospheres of life change. Life is about subtle changes and adjustments. In fact, I’ve heard it said that life is 20% of what happens to us and 80% of how we respond. Remember, static is simply the disturbance in the picture and sound of what we were trying to enjoy. Life will give you enough static to deal with. But you can respond to the static by simply…

…confronting your mindset with truth…

…and putting truth into practice.

Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me—everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you. Philippians 4:8-9

Thanks for letting me ramble…