Permission is a funny thing. Permission, defined, is authorization or consent. Sadly enough, this is how a lot of marriages work. The reason why marriages work that way, is there is a misunderstanding of unity and Lordship. One of my favorite scriptures comes out of Acts 17:28.,
“in him (Jesus) we live and move and have our being.”
It’s through Jesus’ provision and authority that we live our lives as well as our marriages.
This is where we screw it up. This is where we like to take authority that belongs to him, and exercise that over our spouse. Instead of working with our spouse, we want to lord over her spouse. It rips apart our oneness, and places us in the seat of a dictator. We make our spouse seek permission to spend money, to travel, to spend free time, or anything that they desire to do. The “permission thing” might seem healthy to you, but it’s caging up your spouse and making them live in concern and or fear of you and your opinion. Fear has nothing to do with love. In fact fear wants to drive out love.
I want the two of you to stop asking for permission. I want the two of you to get the mindset out that you would need permission from your spouse to do anything. It doesn’t mean we go and do everything that we desire to do regardless of how our spouse feels. Means we communicate out of a desire to get a unified heart.
When I ask Anne about spending money, hanging out with friends, or to simply go out to a store, it’s not about permission.
It’s about unity.
I don’t need my wife’s permission for anything. I do want her unity. When I look in Psalms 133, spells out 4 blessings that come from unity.
1 – Psalm 133 says unity is “wonderful and pleasant.” What a great description for the atmosphere you bring to your home in marriage. I don’t know if you’ve ever walked into a very awkward home or place, but if you have you want to leave it immediately. Homes with atmospheres where you must have “permission” is everything but “wonderful and pleasant.” It’s constructive, painful, and awkward. A unified heart between a husband and wife creates an atmosphere where the marriage can grow and where children can be raised because it is “wonderful and pleasant.” Needing permission stinks up the room. Unity clears it up.
2 – Unity makes your marriage “precious” (verse 2). This speaks of value. The greater unity you foster the more value you bring to your marriage and your spouse. Working in unity will bring value to your parenting. Your kids will see the family as valued. Is unity easy? Absolutely not. But the hard work and focus of unity continues to shape your marriage to make it precious and of extreme value. You want to show your spouse how valuable they are? Show that you want to walk in unity with him/her. Want to lose value, remove freedom and demand permission.
3 – Psalms 133 says that unity is “refreshing.” There is enough of this world that wants to suck the life, joy, and love out of your life. When you come home, you should experience refreshing. Having to seek permission steals the joy from marriage away. Constantly having to ask for authorization, rips away the freedom Jesus desires you to have. Fostering a unified hard between the two of you gives a place of refreshing. Conflict is not avoided, struggles are not bottled up, and issues I’ve never ignored because the two of you choose to walk in unity. Please note this: unity does it mean there’s never a disagreement. It just means you choose to walk in unity regardless of opinion.
4 – Psalms 133 says where there is unity God “commands His blessing.” I think one of the biggest reasons here is because we’ve left the Lordship up to Jesus. We leave the “permission” thing up to him. We allow Jesus to have the authority. And when we walk in unity with each other and with Jesus, his blessing continues to rest upon our lives. This helps remove worry and exciting from marriage. When we go through rough patches and storms, when the season of life is treating us to well, we don’t have to wring our hands in a worry. We know that the command and blessing of God will be upon us cause were choosing to walk through it together in unity.
Unity thing works in every aspect. Even if your spouse is broken trust with you, The accountability he/she needs nothing to do with them asking for “permission.” Has everything to do with communication for the sake of “unity.”
If you been exercising Lordship over your spouse, today is the day to relinquish that to Jesus. Today is the day to ask for forgiveness from your spouse. Today is a new day for you to walk in unity in to see amazing results of God’s blessings on your marriage.
Thanks for letting me ramble…