This weekend I head into, perhaps, my favorite sermon series of the year. Our annual marriage series kicks off at Kalamazoo First Assembly of God this Sunday at 10. Our theme: “Best _________ Ever”.
I believe marriage is a beautiful picture of the God-head. In my opinion, part of the misunderstandings people have about God comes from the breakdown of marriage. The more we can pour into marriages, the greater picture of God we can paint. As a pastor, I’m determined to deal with marriage annually and pour into the health of our families.
There’s no such thing as a good marriage and a bad marriage. There are only two types of marriages:
- Those that work on their marriage.
- Those that don’t.
Anne and I have resolved, when it comes to our marriage, it’s never a finished product. We’re never set. Building a healthy marriage is never done. And we CANNOT afford to ignore opportunities to build it. To not grow our marriage, is to coast towards death.
And we’re not having it.
Why don’t people get help? Why don’t people show up to a marriage series?
Here’s some of the excuses Anne and I come across:
- You feel you don’t need help.
- You feel your marriage sucks and is too far gone.
- You don’t want to hear what’s wrong with your marriage.
- You already moved on from your spouse and found someone else.
- You don’t want your marriage to work because it’s “too much work” and “it’s easier to start over.”
- You’re afraid that God is gonna ask you to forgive your spouse. You like being bitter and having something to hold over your spouses head.
- You can’t forgive yourself and, therefore, have no hope.
- You have someone speaking into your life that is feeding you what you want to hear instead of what you need to hear.
- You’re content with where you are at.
- Your frigid and don’t want anything to lead to intimacy.
- You drifted apart and love the single life in your marriage.
- You miss being single and, therefore, don’t want to work on the marriage.
- You don’t know what to do and feel there’s no answer.
- You think your wife’s job to build the marriage.
- You think your spouse is blowing the issues in your marriage out of proportion and, therefore, you don’t need help.
- You think it’s all your spouse’s fault.
- (Fill in your excuse)
Let me speak something simple into you that I speak into a lot of couples:
It is not weakness to ask for help. It’s weakness to NOT ask for help.
To not pursue opportunities to get help, no matter where you are at in your relationship, is to position yourself to coast towards relational death. Get help! Do you have a healthy marriage? Get help. I’ve never met an athlete that thought to himself/herself, “I’ve got good upper body strength. I’ll ignore that and move on to other things.” No. That athlete will continue to workout the upper body while putting focus on the other areas that need greater attention.
Now is the time to get motivated for your marriage. Don’t give up. Don’t toss in the towel. Don’t back down. Don’t lose heart. Don’t build a weak marriage in solitude. Foster a strong marriage in community where you and your spouse are consistently being poured into.
No matter where you are in your marriage, GET SOME HELP! Start praying together. Read what the Bible says about marriage. Start reading books on marriage (I highly recommend “The 5 Love Languages”). Go to a workshop. Read a blog. Go to periodic marriage counseling (not sure why we think we should only go to a counselor if things are bad…why can’t we go for a “check-up?). Join us THIS SUNDAY at KFirst. Get some help and watch the Lord do some turn around and take what was weak and make it perfect in His strength (2 Corinthians 12:9).
Hopefully we’ll see you on Sunday!
Thanks for letting me ramble.