7 Habits of Highly Defective Marriages: Part 2 Staying Single

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Last week we started a new series of seven MINI-blogs designed to recognize unhealthy habits. If you missed last week check out our first Highly Defective Habit: Habit #1: Spiritual Continuity

Here we go…#2 on the list of my 7 Habits of Highly Defective Marriages:

Defective Marriage

Habit #2: The Single Life

sin·gle, siNGgəl
only one; not one of several
Synonym: one (only), sole, lone, solitary, by itself/oneself, unaccompanied, alone
Mark 10:9 What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.
The synonym’s of the word single say it all.  People, who are married, living by and for oneself.  Daily life exists as if the marriage covenant didn’t even happen.  “My spouse is an inconvenience.” “I have a life outside of my spouse.” “My private life has nothing to do with my married life.”
Alone.
Single-mindedness in marriage causes corrosion to the integrity of the marriage.
As said in so many sermons, blogs, books, etc., the design from the beginning was “two becoming one.” I’m not talking about the much-needed time that men need to be with men and women need to be with women.  We all need time with friends.  I enjoy time with the guys to eat wings and watch football.  Anne likes running and shopping with her friends. I am talking about the intentional actions that individuals chase after to maintain a “single” life while being married.  To claim to have a private life outside of the “two becoming one” means, quite simple, the two are NOT one.  
To be single means to provide for one person.
To be single means there’s no one to report
To be single means I’m responsible to myself and no one else.
In prison, there may be no worse punishment for prisoners (other than capital punishment).  Solitary confinement causes an individual to breakdown on every level. One study (psychiatryonline.org) about solitary confinement says it can cause “hallucinations, and other changes in perception, as well as cognitive problems including memory loss, difficulty thinking, and impulsiveness.”  The more you isolate yourself away from your spouse, the more you abandon you spouse to “solitary confinement.” By living single, you’re inviting problems in marital perception, thinking, and impulsiveness that will break your unity down.  Don’t be surprised  when you see this lifestyle cause jealousy, frustration, hurt, distrust, and resentment.
How else is your spouse supposed to act?  You’ve put them in solitary confinement.
The relationship we have with God helps provide keys to starting, repairing, and maintaining a highly effective marriage. Why? I believe the image of God is shown in the covenant of marriage. There are so many parallels to take. One scriptures I’d like to speak into you:
James 4:8 Come close to God, and God will come close to you. Wash your hands, you sinners; purify your hearts, for your loyalty is divided between God and the world.
When we draw near to God, there is a reciprocal movement on his behalf.  He comes near to us.  The response we have to that closeness: humility and repentance so that our loyalty to our life outside of Him is severed.
It should be no different in our marriage. If you’ve been living single, draw near to your spouse.  The only way to do that is to step away from being single.  Approach your husband/wife in humility and repentance.  If you’ve put them in “solitary confinement”, there’s gonna need to be some healing needed.  But you step away and draw near so that the loyalty to your “singleness” can be severed and your marriage healed.
Stop living single.  Stop leaving your spouse in “solitary confinement.”
Draw close to your spouse.
Next week, #3…
Thanks for letting me ramble…

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