There’s a demented side of me that wants to know what it’s like to be tased. I know that some police in their training volunteer to be tased to know what their weapon does to individuals. The idea is simple: it gives law enforcement a non-lethal way to take down a criminal by simply stunning them when a suspect is actively resisting or exhibiting sings of aggression.
I like moments that stun me. I like movies and TV shows that leave me with my jaw dropped. When it comes to sports, I love stunning 4th quarter comebacks. I loved to be completely speechless by stunning moments. (The more I think about it I may need to rethink the whole taser thing before I completely agree to doing it.)
There are moments that I know I completely stunned Anne.
– 18 years ago when I confessed to her my greatest mistake was letter her go.
– Proposing to her when I had convinced her I couldn’t afford a ring.
– The first time I cleaned without being asked.
– When our apartment was struck by lightning and starting on fire, the first thing I grabbed was my playstation.
– When Anne went into labor with Cammi, the first thing I grabbed to go to the hospital was my playstation. (I have issues)
– Surprising her with 8th row tickets to Les Miserables coupled with meeting the actors and a tour of the backstage.
1. Knock unconscious or into a dazed or semiconscious state.
2. Astonish or shock (someone) so that they are temporarily unable to react.
I can’t say that any of those moments left her in a semiconscious state. But we all have those moments where our spouse has left us with our jaw dropped in complete astonishment without the ability to react. Sad to say, most of those moments happened during the dating process and/or in the honeymoon phase of the marriage. When did it stop? How do we get it back?
Possibly a better question: Why did we do it in the first place?
Was it the new-found passion? Was it the new excitement as your new marriage was unfolding before our eyes? Was it in the thrill of discovering this individual that you felt so close to yet had so much to learn about?
The answer to the last 3 questions is simply “yes”.
The problem lies in what we are after. If we’re after the constant “emotional high” we get from those moments, our marriage gets, what I call “moment dependent”. I’m not saying to NOT go after those moments but motivation shouldn’t be for a momentary fix to get you through till the next “fix” comes. It should be actions that fosters a deeper, meaningful, and sustainable relationship. They are of the most simplistic actions because of this TRUTH:
Marriage is modeled in our relationship with Jesus.
What foster’s a relationship with Christ?
– Undivided Attention. We give him complete focus and he becomes foundation in everything we do. Hebrews 12:1-3
– Unhurried Conversation. It’s not about sporadic prayers only at critical moments. It’s a lifestyle of meaningful conversations with God. 1 Thessalonians 5:17
– No Strings Attached. It’s not about receiving so what we can get. It’s about giving and serving the world around us. Matthew 10:8
I’ve seen people follow Christ with the “moment dependent” mentality. They go from “spiritual high to spiritual high” wanting their next fix. They don’t see that Christ desires to be on the journey and to be in relationship with us. He doesn’t want a moment on a Sunday. He wants Monday through Saturday as well. But sad to say, so many have kept their walk with Christ on life-support because it’s all about one moment a week.
I know that some of you are thinking “I’d never do that to my mate”. But I ask: does your mate get more than a moment a week? Does your spouse get the focus and attention needed as to NOT foster the “momentary dependent” mentality?
These three simple actions…
…that build a strong sustainable relationship with Christ…
…will stun your “momentary dependent” marriage and spouse. Why? Because it’s out of the norm. It seems like the norm is to build off all of the moments we see in romantic movies and on TV. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a cheesy romantic at heart and I love to create those moments for Anne. But we (Anne and I) have learned those moments are needed but don’t drive our relationship. What drives it?
1 – Undivided Attention. The game can be paused. Facebook can wait. A baby sitter can be gotten for the kids. Even sleep can be sacrificed. What can’t be sacrificed? The attention your spouse craves from you. When you are with them, lock eyes and use the right body language. When you are away from them, drop them a text or a call. Find a way to express that distance hasn’t taken attention away. Make sure your spouse knows that your attention is completely on them.
2 – Unhurried Conversation. Something I say a lot in premarital counseling is “Communication is the oil in the machine of marriage.” It’s what makes the issues, including conflict resolution, flow toward a healthy, well-running marriage. Don’t rush through talks. Don’t ignore your spouse’s love language. Pursue conversational intimacy and watch your spiritual intimacy, emotional intimacy, and even physical intimacy flourish.
3 – No Strings Attached. Don’t angle for anything. It’s about serving and giving. Never once let the mindset come into your mind “what do I get out of this”. Because if you have two people thinking selflessly, you won’t have a marriage where one feels like they are lacking anything. You have a passion that is growing between two servants.
This may not seem the norm to you. Most likely it won’t seem the norm to your spouse. So do something different: stun/tase them with all three. I can’t promise over-night changes. But if you’ll put your trust in Christ and if you both are willing to step up, you will enjoy a long-term, strong, sustainable marriage that reflects Christ.
Thanks for letting me ramble…