“Dancing with the Stars is on.”
“I enjoy instant coffee.”
“I really like your shell necklace, bro.”
“I’m bummed that Oprah is no longer doing her show.”
“Football season is too long.”
“I love April when it’s 37 degrees and raining.”
“I can’t wait to wake up early tomorrow!”
These are a few things I’ve NEVER said. They are things I don’t plan on saying ever.
What got this thought going was today’s date with my wife. Anne and I were talking about me having a bit of writer’s block about today’s marriage blog. We were driving and a Ford Probe passed by. My first thought: “wow, it’s still running.” Followed by, “You know what I’ve never said? I wish I’d bought a Ford Probe.”
Then lightning struck my brain (quote from “Hook”). What began to flood though my mind were 16 years of conversations I’ve had with married couples. At some point, I hear the same statement that I hear other married couples say:
“My husband/wife would never say that.”
What type of things don’t they hear from their spouse?
– “I’m sorry.”
– “I was wrong.”
– “I forgive you.”
– “I need you.”
– “I can’t wait to see you.”
– “You turn me on.”
– “Can I pray for you?”
– “Can I help with anything?”
– “I love you.”
It’s not as if these statements were never said (sometimes that’s the case). For some people, these lines have been retired to an early time of martial bliss. Sometimes they’re only used as foreplay or manipulation to get what he/she wants. More often than none, I hear a spouse say, “I don’t need to say it, he/she knows how I feel.” Nevertheless, silence has become the deadly killer in communication and has brought much more pain and agony than one can anticipate. Let me share some wisdom from scripture:
Proverbs 15:23 (NLT) says, “Everyone enjoys a fitting reply; it is wonderful to say the right thing at the right time!”
You’re spouse needs you to “step up to the mic.” He/she needs the “fitting reply” that no one else can say but you. Words like “I love you”, “I’m sorry”, or “I forgive you” that come from your mouth will do more for your spouse than it would coming from anyone else. That’s why your silence is so damaging. That’s why WRONG replies are so hurtful. The person that your spouse is most vulnerable to (emotionally, physically, spiritually, mentally) is you. You’re words matter and the RIGHT words can and will have phenomenal results.
The two results from Proverbs 15:23:
1 – Joy. It ways, “everybody enjoys a fitting reply.” Don’t let you ego/pride get in the way of giving your spouse a fitting reply. Proper responses to your spouse don’t fall into the category of “things better left unsaid.” Open your mouth and use your vocal cords to speak what needs to be said. Your words will bring healing to him/her. Your words will usher in “joy.” The word “joy” in the hebrew means: mirth, gladness, joy, gaiety, pleasure. To withhold your words is to deny your spouse mirth, gladness, joy, gaiety, pleasure. Speak up and give “a fitting reply.”
2 – Fruitful marriage. I like the ESV translation of this passage. It says, “and a word in season, how good it is!” It gives off the sound of a tree that is seeded in its proper season has its fruit enjoyed by all. When a fruit is out of season, it’s not as flavorful and definitely not as juicy. To speak the right words at the right time is called “in season.” In addition, Proverbs proclaims “how good” those words are!!! The word “good” in the hebrew means: good, rich, valuable. Give your spouse something rich to feast on. Learn when to apologize. Learn when to speak romantic words. Learn how to read your spouse to know what they need to hear. Speak up at the proper time and let them enjoy the fruits of the blessing.
That’s it for today. Don’t let it be said of you “My husband/wife would never say that.”
Speak up!! Bring joy to your marriage.
Thanks for letting me ramble…