A Demotivated Marriage


There’s a company called “Despair Inc.” Yes they are real.  Their statement is: “We’ve been demotivating people since we were founded in Dallas in 1998. We’re currently based in Austin, where we employ a small group of very bitter, depressed Texans.”

They’re responsible for posters like:





With statements like “AT DESPAIR, WE OFFER THE CURE FOR HOPE. AND FOR SURPRISINGLY AFFORDABLE PRICES,” it’s hard to believe people pour money into despair.  But they do and apparently have been since 1998. 

I can’t say this will be the most original marriage blog.  The idea for this came from two other blogs.  Kevin B. Bullard’s great post 10 Ways to Demotivate Your Husband came out just a few days ago.  It was followed up by another fellow marriage blogger with 10 Ways to Demotivate Your Bride.

With me preaching on “Encouragement” on Sunday, this subject has been pressing on my mind.  For me, their two articles were the confirmation I needed to my weekly Friday marriage blog.  This blog reminds me a bit of my September 20th, 2012 blog “Want to sabotage your marriage? I can help!!

So here I go: Dave’s 10 Demotivators for spouses looking to suck the life out of your mate. 

1 – Compare him/her to your someone else. It could be your parents.  Or better yet, compare him/her to your best friend’s spouse. Wait, I’ve got a better one: compare your mate to someone on TV or in the movies…because that’s all about real life.

2 – Criticism inside and outside the home. Make sure you do well and often.   It keeps your spouse from wanting to come home  and gives you more alone time. Make sure you’re friends know how little you think of your spouse by voicing your criticism of your mate. After all, it’ll make you look better. Right?

3 – Use sex as a weapon. If you want it more than your spouse, use guilt.  If your spouse has the greater desire: withhold it till you can get what you want. Remember, you have to take care of you. If it’s not important to you, he/she should respect that.

4 – Divide and conquer.  A united front is overplayed and so cliché.  Let your children know who’s really in charge of the home.  Only support your spouse if they’re standing right there. Don’t be afraid to throw some insults into the mix.  It’ll build character.

5 – Allow other people, especially parents and siblings, to talk bad about your spouse. Remember, they’ve known you since you were born and, therefore, have every right to say what they want to you.  Your spouse is the outsider.  They are family.

6 – Do you best to make decisions without talking to your spouse. God gave you a brain to use.  Why communicate with your spouse? You’re less likely to get what you want.  You’re less likely to benefit more from the decision if someone else is involved.

7 – Talk down to him/her…and use some volume. Show that you have the upper hand in the relationship.  Yell.  Shout.  Whatever it takes. Talk to him/her like one of your kids. Why not? It’s what you’ve seen in some of your friends marriages before they got divorced…wait…

8 – Only reciprocate the effort you’re getting. In other words, your spouse may be worn out, tired, and only be able to give, what seems to be, just a little bit. Well, refuse to pour more into the relationship unit he/she can step it up. After all, it’s a 50/50 proposition. If my spouse gives some, THEN I give some.

9 – Don’t help with anything. You don’t remember your dad/mom getting the help your spouse is “requiring.” And they made it just fine…well sort of. Anyways, it’s time to tell them to suck it up and get over it. Besides, if he/she wants help, they should help you first.

10 – Keep a running list of what’s wrong. You may call it unforgiveness or bitterness. I call it character development. How is he/she going to learn if they don’t hear about what he/she has done wrong…and hear about it often.

Do you have more to add to the list?  I’ll cut the sarcasm and leave you with the scripture I’m preaching out of on Sunday.

Proverbs 11:25 …those who refresh others will themselves be refreshed.” 

Be a motivator…be an encourager…be a servant and refresh your spouse.

Thanks for letting me ramble…

2 responses to “A Demotivated Marriage”

  1. “those who refresh others will themselves be refreshed”
    is a tremendous motivator in its own right;
    and encouragement is clearly an example of service that
    focuses upon another
    BTW ur entries could be thought of as :”Love Letters to
    the Married” 🙂

  2. On the subject of that 50/50 stuff…here’s an article I thought you’d find interesting and very well put. I’ve said it for years, that marriages need to be 100/100%. Go figure……I was right. LOL. at any rate, I think you’ll enjoy the article and the funny sermon illustration at the top of the page. Enjoy.

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