Seducing your spouse with five senses

You’re thinking about that word “seduce” aren’t ya.  It’s one of those words you hear a preacher say in church that causes you to look at the person next to ya and ask, “can he use that word in church?”  I think people carry a list in the back of their head or bible of things you shouldn’t say unless in an Old Testament KJV context.

se·duce[si-doos, -dyoos]
– 
to lead astray, as from duty, rectitude, or the like; corrupt
– to persuade or induce to have sexual intercourse
– to win over; attract; entice

I have EVERY intention on having this blog accomplish all three.

  1. I want to lead people astray from the mindset that marriage is or has to be boring or hopeless. I want to corrupt that “corrupt” mindset.  It’s time to bring joy and anticipation to our marriages. (Song of Solomon 2:10)
  2. I want to encourage sex in marriage.  I encourage sex in my marriage.  More importantly, God created it, blesses it, and encourages it. (Prov. 15:18)
  3. My main point today: I want to set you on a journey of “enticing” your spouse. I want to challenge spouses to strive to be spiritually, physically, and emotionally attractive.  It is NOT wrong or dirty.  (Song of Solomon 2:8-9)

When pondering this blog, I considered writing and dealing with sex.  If you’ve been at KFirst long enough, you know that I’m not afraid to deal with it.  I believe it has been largely ignored.  In fact, if it has been brought up, it’s been dealt with in such an absurd way that couples are not empowered to enjoy it to the degree I feel the Lord has designed it.  BUT…that blog is for another day.

Attraction goes beyond the physical.  It’s far deeper than that.  It’s an understanding that so many couples struggle with.  Their issues of attraction are so surface that any changes in body, season of life, or circumstances will catapult them toward scrapping the marriage and starting over.  I am not here to harp onto anyone who has gone through, is going through, and/or has been hurt by divorce. I’m hoping to foster an atmosphere of intimacy within the life of a couple and, perhaps, start the healing process in others.

A TRUTH that I have shared for years with both youth groups as well as adults is simply: Holiness is sexy. In other words, showing the attributes of Christ in your life makes you irresistible.  My disclaimer on the word “irresistible”: being more Christ-like will increase intimacy but doesn’t guarantee more sex (sorry guys).  But I promise, Godliness won’t lessen it.  Being Christ-like in your marriage becomes a seduction  (a draw, an attraction, a persuasion, an enticement) toward what should be the foundation of a healthy marriage.  It creates perspective and appeal that cannot be found in anything else.  I though a great way to give marriage perspective and develop appeal is through the five senses.  So bear with me while I ramble…

Taste

Psalm 119:103 says, “How sweet are your words to my taste sweeter than honey to my mouth!” It reminds me of a custom of Jewish teachers covering the writing slate of young students with honey.  Before they could write words of Torah upon them, they were to lick off all of the honey to remind them of this scripture.  Every taste of honey from that point must have reminded them of the sweetness of the Word of the Lord.  The way to your spouses heart is not through their stomach per say, but the flavor you place upon your marriage.  Some of us, with our attitudes, or selfish demands place such a bitter flavor upon our marriage that, instead of enticing our spouse, drives them away.  Or worse, the sweetness of your marriage shows up in words but not in deeds.  It’s like tasting an apple to find out it was rotten inside.  Don’t be all show and no substance. Take moments to speak and/or pray the Word over your marriage.  Read scripture with your spouse.  Cover your lives with the Psalms 119 “honey” and watch the flavor/taste of your marriage sweeten.

Smell

One simple rules when approaching your spouses sense of smell: Bathe.  After a long workout, my wife does not want to be close to me till I shower.  It’s it the dripping sweat…yep.  But more than that, is the smell.  I don’t smell like a workout unless I have been working out.  You don’t carry an aroma of Christ unless you have been in His presence.  To our spouse, we should carry the aroma of our savior into our homes.  That aroma should be caught in all of our marital circumstances…yes even our conflicts.  What “scent” do you carry with you? Does it repulse you spouse?  Does it attract/draw/seduce you spouse? Proverbs 30:12 “There are those who are clean in their own eyes but are not washed of their filth.” Is the atmosphere of your home improve because you are home? Do you leave a sweet atmosphere when you leave the room?  They’re tough questions but need to be asked.

Touch

This seems like an easy one for me.  This is my love language.  But this was by biggest struggle early in our marriage.  I only thought about “touch” on one level. The more I counsel couples I realize that this is the most abused sense.  One spouse will touch for one reason: sex.  They haven’t learned the art of non-sexual touch.  Now they have condition their marriage that touching only occurs in sexual circumstances.

It’s a shame.

We need more touching in our marriages.  Touching that goes beyond foreplay but conveys a meaning connection point that reaches to the very soul of our spouse.  What touches the heart, mind, and emotions of your spouse? Is it art? Is it food? Is it music? Is it your body? Is it flowers? Is it time with you?

Song of Solomon 1:1-2, “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth: for thy love [is] better than wine.” The first ‘Kiss’ in these scriptures speak of  “nashaq” , which means to put together, gently touch. It comes from the idea of ‘putting things in order.’ The second ‘Kisses’ in the scriptures (from this context) speaks of a continual work of the heart being ‘put together in order, through gentle touches.’

What ever the “touch point” is, master the art of touching your spouse.  Find out their love language and become of student of that language.  Learn that “touch” goes beyond holding a hand but reaching into the deepest part of their heart and lets them know you are still pursuing them passionately.

Vision

Men are visual.  So are women…but in very different ways than their male counterparts.  Proverbs 27:19 says, “As in water face reflects face, so the heart of man reflects the man.” The heart is reflected, visually, in your life.  September 30th we preaching “from the abundance of the heart a man speaks.” The heart is not hidden.  It is reflected in our lives. You don’t have a choice in the matter.  If you have filthiness inside, like water reflects the face, you’ll give a visual representation of what is lingering on the inside.  Do you hold onto issues your spouse assumed you forgave (because you said you forgave them)? Do you bottle up bitterness? Do you hold in issues because you don’t want to burden your spouse?  Conflict, if handled correctly, doesn’t drive a spouse away.  Releasing your heart won’t deter  them.  You’ll seduce/attract/win them over.

Hearing

This is the easiest sense to use to tap into. Two things I’ll say to this:

1. Learn and use these four line in a meaningful way:
I love you.
I’m sorry.
Please forgive me.
I forgive you.

2. Talk. Talk about your day, talk about your thoughts, talk about your worries, talk about what you are learning, anything! Just start talking. When you have run out of things to talk about then just start telling your spouse all the reasons that you are glad you are married and why you would choose him/her all over again! Proverbs 16:24 “There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”

These are some suggestions to read over and ponder, but I think you will find that they can be quite effective. I’m hoping, first, that I’ve helped corrupt a “corrupt” mindset that was hopeless.  Second, if touching the senses of your spouse leads to the bedroom (or any room for that matter)…you’re welcome. And lastly, I hope this does set you on a life-long journey of pursuing your spouses senses.

Do you have other way’s of tapping into your spouse’s 5 senses? Guys, what do you think? Women, what would you recommend?

Thanks for letting me ramble…

pdbarringer

Anne's Husband. Cammi & Ethan's Dad Lead Pastor @kalamazoofirst

2 comments

  • The element of anticipation is very important to us, especially since my husband travels. I will use words to describe things that will ignite his imagination, and it is especially effective to use the five senses…

  • I often think about music when I think of hearing. Listening to music is one of the things my husband and I do together. Learning to appreciate each others taste in music is one of the things that draws me to him.

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